Life is okay. My friends (most) are either currently falling apart or struggling, which in turn is making me feel like my life is falling apart because I've been so consumed by attempting to assist them. I did pretty fine in helping them work through their thoughts though. I am a premature therapist. Is premature even the right word?

I'm currently in the library, waiting to go check in for academic advising. I'm mostly lost though I was very determined to enter the science field full force at the beginning of this semester, considering to change my major to Neuro. But guess what, it didn't really work out. Maybe it could. Maybe I could try CLA Neuroscience. Who knows. I don't want to set myself back or put myself in the mindset that I can't do it. But I have other options and other interests. I'll probably jot them down here for later:

• interior design
• dogs/cats/animals overall
• writing
• video editting

I was rambling for the most part. One day I'll look back on this and realize I've either made the right decision on changing my major or the wrong one. But hey...life can't be that bad. Everything eventually changes for the better and if it's not, then it's on you to make those changes.

Fundamentals of Neuroscience (B+) 

College Algebra (A+)

General Biology ( B????? I'm not sure yet)

Foundation of Behavioral Neuroscience (B-, Also the class I'm most worried about)

Japanese Elements (A-)

Yep, so far as of today, I feel as if I'll be in the B range. As the semester progresses, hopefully I'll find what my weaknesses are and what I can do to bring my grades up. 

I say I'm assertive, but that's supposedly to people I'm close to and is able to talk about problems with, especially if the problem is with them. But it's difficult for me with people who want to pick fights with me or try to set a really hostile atmosphere. And in my mind, I fear that I'll get hurt because my overthinking brain enjoys visualizing the worst case scenario(damn youuu). 

My fear of confrontation probably stems from the fear of being unable to speak my mind to close-minded and verbally abusive family members. I've been raised so long not to talk back or make things worst even though their ideas aren't the most reasonable and acceptable. And I can't speak out because my mouth is kept shut for so long that I've forgotten how to open them.

But then people at school slowly started cutting my lips that were sewn together and I'm able to be upfront with my thoughts and opinions. If I have a problem with them, I'd tell them right away just so they know and I'll see what they'll do about it.

I'm saying these things because my dilemma now is needing to talk to this girl who's held a grudge against me because she thinks I got her expelled. Why haven't I talked it out with her before? Fear. And yesterday, she said something mean out of nowhere from a friend's status I commented on. It wasn't directed to me, but it was about me. And for her sake, I want to be one less person she worries about.

But how she conducts herself and how she approaches things seem really hostile and I'm afraid that she'll hurt me (physically). But you know, she probably doesn't know my side of the story and I'll need to talk it through and through with her. It'll make me feel better knowing I tried if things don't work out.

And she's only one person out of so many. 

I need to think on the bright side. I'm so use to thinking about negative things that I habitually put myself in a bad and depressing mood. Seriously brain, stop.

Though I'm not going to convey it in this post, I feel like this was really well thought through and I'm hoping to work on it more over the month. Not going to officially write it because there's a ton of research I'll need to put in to get everything developed properly. Wattpad link has been added to the links at the top of this blog. I've been typing on Wattpad (poems mainly) and I'm not discovered yet. Hopefully I'll gain readers. My book will be the main attraction though. 

Here's an idea I'd like to introduce for the title though:

#1 - Beyond the Gray Area

There was a High School Fair that I volunteered at along with Alice two days ago. It was okay, overall. I was glad to see Alice again. I had to give her a lift to HR since that's the location in which she'll be picked up by her dad. Was pretty wary about how messy the car may seemed, I don't know.

Sunday evening, my dad had to stay in the hospital because his intense snoring needs to be monitored. He's been snoring for a while but it seems that now a days, it impedes on his rest and he wakes up in the middle of the night. Now he'll need to be checked up to see what's going on exactly.

On Thursday, my laptop was finally fixed. However, here are a list of things I'm having trouble setting right that I didn't have before the freaking issue. This is all I've remembered or stumbled on recently:

• Microsoft Office 2011 isn't re-downloading properly (I don't want to buy another one)
• Bluetooth with my phone is paired but not connected (oh jeez)
• Apple ID is still playing games with me (I can't freaking settle my ID because I can't get pass the part where I have to apply with a credit card? My brother didn't have to do that and he doesn't know why mine does it... well, I had this issue for a while but now I want to fix it)

ACTs on Saturday. Since I won't be there for the whole day anyway, I'll go out with Allen because I don't want to go home right away. In the meantime all this week, I should do some practice problems online.

First and foremost, I want to get my running in but I don't want to do it alone. And I plan on doing it two days a week and another day on Saturday with the people at my school. And the other two days a week would be with Allen. Then he was wondering if we'll have to change for the last hour that we'll run because mostly we'll be walking around Center City trying to get more familiar with the place and all. :DDDD And guess what? His cousins + older brother owns a stand that fixes phones in the gallery and we can live our bags with them. Kind of anxious about meeting any of his family members tbh and I asked him what they'll think of me when we like… leave our bags with them. He said they'll probably think I'm his girlfriend (but I'm not…. yet…) and lol :3333333 yay. Now we can just meet up at the Gallery :DDDD *gets lost at Center City because I don't know how to navigate my way around either*

Also, Allen has Summer School to attend to just for Latin so he can move up a level and be with us :D He so smart like omg, he's already 3 chapters ahead of the freshmens and omgggg. I just took pride in it because I know him more than anyone else so mwahahhahahahahhahah xD

Summer Plans So Far: (didn't I write this a while back though?)

-study Mandarin (with my dad,too) and maybe Filipino with Allen idk

-study Latin so I can get back into the school year fresh with the info in my head

-reading A LOT (already halfway through my reading goal for 2014 tho :P )

-prepare for SATs and ACTs

-running/hanging out with Allen and getting in exercise in general