June 01, 2015
confrontation
Posted at 9:55 AM
I'm slowly emerging from my comfort zone but I have long ways to go. I think I've improved myself as a person overall over the last couple years, especially once High School started. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, assertive and upfront, truthful, and open-minded. However, I still have this one issue with myself that I'd like to work on and that would be to rid my fear of confrontation.
I say I'm assertive, but that's supposedly to people I'm close to and is able to talk about problems with, especially if the problem is with them. But it's difficult for me with people who want to pick fights with me or try to set a really hostile atmosphere. And in my mind, I fear that I'll get hurt because my overthinking brain enjoys visualizing the worst case scenario(damn youuu).
My fear of confrontation probably stems from the fear of being unable to speak my mind to close-minded and verbally abusive family members. I've been raised so long not to talk back or make things worst even though their ideas aren't the most reasonable and acceptable. And I can't speak out because my mouth is kept shut for so long that I've forgotten how to open them.
But then people at school slowly started cutting my lips that were sewn together and I'm able to be upfront with my thoughts and opinions. If I have a problem with them, I'd tell them right away just so they know and I'll see what they'll do about it.
I'm saying these things because my dilemma now is needing to talk to this girl who's held a grudge against me because she thinks I got her expelled. Why haven't I talked it out with her before? Fear. And yesterday, she said something mean out of nowhere from a friend's status I commented on. It wasn't directed to me, but it was about me. And for her sake, I want to be one less person she worries about.
But how she conducts herself and how she approaches things seem really hostile and I'm afraid that she'll hurt me (physically). But you know, she probably doesn't know my side of the story and I'll need to talk it through and through with her. It'll make me feel better knowing I tried if things don't work out.
And she's only one person out of so many.
I need to think on the bright side. I'm so use to thinking about negative things that I habitually put myself in a bad and depressing mood. Seriously brain, stop.
Labels: Note-To-Self, Other, Planning
