January 30, 2014
erughghh
Posted at 6:17 PM
So for like, the past 3-4 days, my existential crisis is like, on high mode. Golden Time and Nagi no Asukara are NOT helping me with it >____> not that they were obligated too but they're all about not wanting change or not wanting to be left behind and those are my fears these days when I look around and I get all nostalgic thinking about the past. I had to do counseling once a day to talk about it or else I'll go paranoid during class. Tears were literally streaming down my face as I kept a straight face on and I think the thoughts I'm having are petty. I just have to remember that everyone will all end up in the same place in the very end. Mostly, this came from finding out my dad is going to turn 51 this year. I didn't know his actual age and last time I asked, he was 44 or something and omfg, his license was out and my curiosity got the best of me and I checked and w0w.I thought I accepted these kinds of things a long time ago. Who isn't afraid of death really? But to be honest, my dad is afraid of death as he told me once and I was really sad. I know we'll all die and we won't know what happens after but I still believe that something does come after and I hope everyone is coming with me, because like I stated earlier with how the animes aren't helping me : 1.) My fear of everyone passing on forgetting me and leaving me behind 2.) Changes in the next coming years.
I hope this passes because it really is making me waste time. I mean, I do get over it throughout the day, but the next morning, when I wake up, I just get slammed with thoughts like, "oh, we're all going to die anyway. Why should I go to school? Get up? Do anything? It's all pointless in the end."
Yeah, well maybe it's not pointless if it's meaningful to you. I'm only 15, I shouldn't be thinking about this. Nonononono.
Well the thing is, I am feeling better. The first 2 days were the worst. Felt like I was digging too deep into a hole and was unable to get out omfg. Felt so empty inside that it hurt. I forgot about all this during lunch yesterday but as I ate, I just looked at everyone and thought of deep things and felt like throwing up. Urgh.
I'm not going to bring up the religion vs. science thing because I really hate it when people of one idea bashes on another. >________> Unless it's really ignorant, people can just believe what they want and I'm slowly turning away from being agnostic.
Labels: Life, Other, Psychological
