January 11, 2014
;-; (gonna regret later)
Posted at 5:54 PM
Thing one - I was talking to Jenny and Ada about something that bothered me.Thing two - I really need to vent about it through the reminder of it on Snapchat
Thing three - I don't know what to feel anymore
Ada said that she didn't invite me last year probably because there was no space in the car or whatever.
But what I speculated was that Queenie/ Iris was invited but they didn't go so there must still be room? ._. Not a valid reason not to invite me is it..
Jenny said that maybe she thought that I was going to decline and not go.
But then again, Queenie had a bigger percentage of declining since she can't go out a lot. Like, wtf.
I didn't tell Ada or Jenny my speculations and how I proved them wrong.
Either she forgot about me.
Or maybe she isn't really my friend.
But what really hurt the most was that I thought she was a close friend when she really and probably didn't think of me the same way.
I don't like being played at or led on like that ;-;
Don't pretend to be my friend if you're not.
Ada said I should probably talk to her face to face because if we discussed it online then that won't be like… you know…
And the craziest thing of all was that she's my #1 reason of NOT going. Like, even if Andrew or Alice went I still wouldn't go if she was there but I made an exception to go today (but couldn't because of flat tire) because of celebrating Ada's birthday.
smh, I should have been over this since last year but it was on my mind for the whole damned year and I wish I didn't care. But I do. And maybe she doesn't. And that hurts to the point of >______>
Ada: "you don't have to talk to her if you don't want to."
Me : (in my mind) that's fucked up, she's my friend I want to but the worst part is she might not really be my friend and I wonder what I did to hurt her or maybe she didn't want me there because I'll ruin it and I wish ugh
Jenny: But she talked about inviting you and she just thought you wouldn't make it.
Me: Well it would have been nice to have been invited and to make me looked noticed or actually given an option. Like, Queenie doesn't go to 95% of anything and she's still invited >_> Why can't I?
I don't want to talk to her or ask about it because it'll sound like I'm greedy or conceited or ugh.
The thing that punched me the face the most was when JENNY AND ALICE HAD TO BLOG ABOUT IT AND THEN I KNEWWW. Like wowwww. Not to mention other things I was excluded from that involved her. Like, wow, I don't want to be with someone who makes me feel alone. Worst fucking feeling ever. ;(
(why is it every time I write or talk or w.e about this I begin tearing up?) <because you thought someone really cared about you when in reality, they didn't to a certain degree. I feel rejected.
Only highlight: I get invited to everything else so I don't' want one petty thing get to me >_>
Bigass highlight : omfggggg He's so perf <33333 Thanks for the snap chats <333333 but then he took a selfie with her but wahahahhaha *smacks myself* that's not his problem but my own *but damn you still fine <3*
