I have been reading more lately. I wasn't reading my assigned Summer book though. It's a really tedious job to read a dull book. I only have 3 chapters left but I'm not in the mood to finish it off. It's seriously not my type of book. Instead, I'm reading Anne Frank's Diary for the second time in my whole life. I'm already through over half in a couple days. I like books that are journal/diary format. Which reminds me, I want to read Absolute Chaos again. I saw Queenie read it once and I read it too and I got a good laugh out of it. I literally LAUGHED. It's like, a journal based book too. 

I wanted to bring to light my relationship with my mother. Today, there was a mosquito on my leg that I was completely unaware of and my mom told me she'll smack it for me and I turned and was like,"Hm?" And she smacked a mosquito on my leg. Yeah, she washed the mosquito off her hand and I just wiped off the blood that the little ass sucked out of me. I helped mom with holding an ice cream cone so she could use her free hands to scoop out more (for customer). I was pondering it almost all day wondering whether my mom really loves me or not. I am quite doubtful because when I was young and couldn't make up my own mind, she once told me she wasn't my mother. But of course she was, so why did she say that? Another time, in 4th grade, I thought she was going to get a divorce with dad and I remember my brother crying in class in 3rd grade and I had to be called out to discuss matters about my family. So I was wondering if mom stayed just for the sake of my brother and I's eduction so we wouldn't get depressed. It's not like I talk to her about these things. I don't talk with her about personal things period. I don't know anything about her besides other confidential information. I don't know of her private life, her childhood, what she's gone through. All my life, she was just there. And it saddens me to a certain degree that it breaks me inside. Not literally though. This isn't the worst pain I've felt. I wonder what runs through my mother's mind. What does she really think of me? What does she think of our lifestyle? Does she really love me? Why is she so close, yet so far away? 

I tried to stop writing in my journal every hour of the day. It worked. Only one entry this morning and one this afternoon. I discussed the topics that is typed here. I didn't really go in-depth though to keep long story short. 

Anyway, in need sleep. I've been so irked lately. ;_;