intellectual feline

August 08, 2013

Possibly Breaking Down and I Hate It Posted at 9:56 AM

It's tedious to type down everything I wrote to Jenny onto here. Why must I type things I told Jenny you may ask. Let me send you these screen shots.

If you do not want to read all that, let me make this long story short and head right into detail.

1.) My brother is cynical and too pessimistic. He thinks there's more negativity in the world than positive. He said he even tried being positive but I don't think he tried.

2.) My dad broke down as he said that mom might have breast cancer and that's one thing that I've put on my list of not wanting : At Least One Parent Having Cancer (I stated that yesterday and guess what? It contradicted my wishes and came true.)

3.) We might have to close down the store because of my mom's xray and possible surgery.

4.) Mom does marijuana.

The only thought that comforts me is that everyone is like this at some point and it really scares me. My friends (some) have issues to result in the same emotions I possibly have. However, that's not too much of a comfort. I didn't eat breakfast because of this. I do not want to explain the fight I got into with my brother... but I suppose I already have. I can't believe I broke down into pieces in front of my dad. I was shouting ,"Do you not see our dads working hard breathing in smoke and possibly getting cancer." But he's always looking at the bad side and my dad stood there listening until he thought of something to say. ;_;

I want to run away. His hateful words kill me deep down. He's bashing against social media and saying things and I don't even know if it's out of anger or if he said things out of his own heart.

I kept defending my father. I couldn't take it, seeing him looking all tortured.

There's no way to fight against my brother. He even said that when I cry, it was pathetic. He laughed at the things my dad and I yelled at him for and was like ,"Hah. You guys are blinded."

He says that it was wrong of me to cry and that I was weak. What's wrong with crying? I was literally screaming at the top of my lungs at him and all he does is laugh.

Why must you be so pessimistic and cruel. He said he deceived everyone. He says that everyone in this world is complete shit.

Arguing with him is pointless... he is quite irrational, subjected to the darkest side of the world. He says I live in a fantasy. Well, at least I'm not as miserable deep down as you. He won't agree with me when I said Dad does so much and he gives so little.

I was so pissed when he told me dad to shut up. OMG.

Cynical people tend to say hurtful things to everyone. He's such a pessimist. He made fun of grandma, dad, mom, my friends, everyone. ;_;