June 05, 2013
Crying Crying
Posted at 8:17 PM
UGH. Like, I always think of the worst things. Though, I have stayed positive. When my brother made the turtles stay in the living room, I thought he was rejecting them for some reason. >.< But I'm glad he didn't want to throw them away altogether. They are alive, BIG, and well.Anyway, I cried when I was journaling and realized something I want to do. And now my eyes are fucking brimming with these tears again and my eyes are not burning even though contacts are in (maybe because they got use to my tears.) Before I tell you what I want to do, on my ride home with dad, he told me the school called him and said that I was doing well in school. Why did the school do that? I wonder....
But anyway, I want to know if dad was proud of me. >.< He saw me doing homework on the steps of the school as well when people were surrounding me and hanging out and messing around. I wonder if he thought that I am a child to be proud of unlike my brother. /tear OMFG THE TEARS FKING SHYT D:
Anyway, I thought I want to help my parents in the store with the cooking and all. I was writing about it when I realized that I want to do that over the summer. Even though I hate the people that buys there (because my dad always yell at them) I want to be there for him >.< I cry over thinking about loving my parents because it hurts so much. DDDD': I want to learn to cook, step into their shoes, sweat with them, work with them, eat with them, go through what they go through. OMFG. I sound so cheesy. I don't want to stay in my AC room if my parents don't experience the same bliss. Let my brother feel the glory. i don't give a fuck. Maybe when he see me working so hard and smelling like grease from working in front of the fryer and having to study as well, then something will snap. Or maybe nothing does. Something has to snap!
Yeah, that means I won't use up the electricity for my room's AC. Also, I don't want to be paid. I want to do this for free. Yes, fucking free. Why the fuck does my parents have to pay me? Why? They have done enough, went through so much shit including my brother and i'm serious. Also, since there isn't much customers sometimes, I can still watch anime. I should also help mom make the rice.
New Summer Plans:
-helping parents in store
-studying mandarin
yeah... there's more.
But seriously, UGH. This will become a really long post and it's getting...stuffy. My nose is runny and all...
It takes me back to a day where I asked dad for hot chocolate as he took out the trash. He asked me kindly if I could make it myself. Overwhelmed of the thought of me making my own hot chocolate, i went into the room, locked it, and cried. WTF. I'm so dumb. My dad came knocking and he had hot chocolate for me. D': Dadddyyy DDD: I really love you OMFGGGG YOU GAVE A FK ALL THIS TIME AND ALL I DID WAS COMPLAIN DDDDDDD':
I'm done letting out all my feels. o-o
